Secret To My Hair Growth

"Is that all you?" - everyone

I get so many questions about my hair -- if that's my natural color, who does my weaves, why I get weaves when I have a lot of hair, what I'm doing to get my hair growing so fast. I am answering all of these questions here. 

Yes, it's my natural color! I used to get random people asking me, "what box number do you use?" I was always soooo confused by this question because for the longest time I did't realize what they were asking me. haha You can imagine the look I would give them in response. My hair color is auburn and, luckily, I have natural blonde highlights here and there (depends on the sun's mood really). This is actually one of the reasons I get weaves -- to play with color without having to dye my hair. I've never dyed my hair before. So I literally have "virgin hair."

I started getting weaves just for fun, but then I realized how much my hair was growing when I kept it braided up for a month or two at a time. It was growing healthy because I wasn't subjecting it to styling and heat. So, I decided last summer to do this to get my hair to grow long again. My goal is to grow it to the bottom of my chest. Right now, it hits the top of my chest. It's getting there! 

There are so many types of weaves, but when I am trying to get it to grow, I do a braided sew in. I go to Joy at Just Weaves in Inglewood. I get asked that a lot. I tag her in my hair posts, but I still get a lot of questions about it. haha I am linking her website here.

I have also spent a lot of time researching which vitamins will actually help me and have added them to my daily routine. Like all things -- you have to stay consistent. It won't work for you if you do not take these vitamins everyday. I will list the links to these vitamins below. 

1. Hairfinity

2. Cod Liver Oil Capsules

3. Prenatal

I take a lot of vitamins daily (probably over 10 a day lol -- I officially am my grandparents), but those three are the ones I take to specifically target hair growth. The cod liver oil capsules and prenatal have so many other health benefits as well, so it's a win, win. 

The Meaning Behind My Tattoo

"If you like it so much, write it down and keep it in your purse!" - my grandma

That's what my grandma told me when I showed her my tattoo! *insert eye rolls and roaring laughter here* I get asked all the time what my tattoo means and how I chose the placing. My tattoo is my last name, Makhlouf, written in Arabic. 

As i've mentioned before, I am half Black and half Palestinian. Legally, my last name is Young, but I honestly go by either last name and I typically will hyphenate the two. I've talked heavily in my I'M JUST PRETTY (can be found in the Self(ie) section) post about my struggles with my identity. I was never Black enough for my black side and, because my last name was American, I was told I wasn't really Arab or wasn't really a Makhlouf by my Arab side and friends. That really hurts because I identify equally with both and I actually grew up predominately with my Arab family. 

I was raised on pita bread, lebneh, hummus and Al Jazeera. It doesn't get much more Arab that that! lol. I was so desperate to fit in and be taken seriously by the Arab community. So, there are many reasons why I chose to get this tattoo in particular. Growing up, my life centered around my family and was/is a major influence in the person I am today. I say this all the time -- being Arab (especially in today's America) is a lifestyle and plays a role in my every day. I have always loved the Arabic language -- it's sound, its poetic nature and it's beautiful curvy script. I am just flat out in love with being Palestinian. So, perhaps part of me chose to get it to prove a point (I showed them, huh?), but as I get older, it is so much deeper than that. I am proud of my people, I am proud of their strength and I am proud of my culture. It's that simple. 

I got my tattoo when I was about twenty-two and I spent a couple of years debating it -- it wasn't a spur of the moment thing (I think about things for years before I actually do it because, well, it's permanent!) To this day, I do not regret it one bit and I love showing it off in my flirty, open back tops. 

I chose to get it on my side because as much as I think tattoos are cool and edgy, I also love the purity of a woman and think there's something really beautiful about a woman's body and skin just the way God made it. I knew at the point I got married that I didn't want tattoos to be an accessory to my wedding dress (or really any elegant dress or look). I love the placement of my tattoo because I can flaunt it easily when I want and I can cover it when I choose. It's versatile in that sense. Some people don't even realize I have it. 

It's special, it's meaningful and it's part of me ... literally. 

27 Lessons

Some lessons can't be taught; they have to be learned.

I'm 27! I honestly can't believe I am 27. Time really does fly. I feel like this past year was so pivotal for me -- I have really surrendered to the universe & God and genuinely feel like I am moving into my greatness. There is a life that I want to live and I finally feel, energetically, that it's my time to grab it. There is no way I would be where I am today if it weren't for the lessons I have learned thus far but mainly this past year. So, in the spirit of turning 27, here are 27 lessons learned during 26.

1. Take breaks. It doesn't mean you're slacking. It just means you're taking care of yourself so you can continue to grind.

2. People can only love you to their own capability of the word. Not everyone was shown the same kind of love growing up and everyone views love differently. What you perceive as love may not be how someone else perceives it and vise versa. So you can't always expect someone to love the way you do.

3. A good friend isn't determined by how many years you have known them. I have felt like I had to hold onto certain friendships because we were friends since we were kids, but that's not true. Some people are meant for your life for the long haul and others are just meant for a season. It's hard, but sometimes it's harder holding onto the unhealthy relationship.

4. Your parents mean well and love the crap out of you even if they don't know how to relate to you all the time.

5. Just because it doesn't happen overnight doesn't mean it won't happen.

6. People are put into your life for a reason.

7. Trust yourself. You know more than you give yourself credit for.

8. Instagram isn't real life. Well, sometimes it is, but it's a pretty, edited version of it.

9. The journey isn't always perfect, but the purpose is. Never doubt the path God is taking you on. He knows what's best for you because he already wrote it.

10. Imperfect photos are always better.

11. Be you -- people love authenticity.

12. No matter how much time, time does heal all.

13. You're not everyone's cup of tea and that's OKAY.

14. If you have to question them, they probably aren't your real friends nor have your best interests at heart.

15. It doesn't matter where I live because home is where my family is.

16. Relationships aren't always rainbows and butterflies, but your love is.

17. Don't buy clothes with the intention of fitting into them later. It's a trap.

18. Less really is more.

19. You always forget about the things you buy, but you never forget experiences and trips taken.

20. It IS possible to have too many purses.

21. There is such thing as constructive criticism and the people who genuinely give it to you really do love you.

22. Green tea helps with digestion.

23. Patience will get you a lot further in life.

24. You can't wear crop tops everywhere even when you reallyyyyyyy want to.

25. A few quality leggings are way better than a ton of Forever 21 leggings.

26. God never leaves you behind.

27. I don't just want a Bentley and a big house. I want peace of mind and total abundance.

It's Not Embarrassing

Sometimes happiness is a feeling. Sometimes it's a decision. 

The topic of depression has come up a lot lately around me and I just want to talk about it. Depression is a topic that isn't easily nor often discussed and it should be. A lot of people believe that depression is self-inflicted. Maybe sometimes it is, but often times it's not. According to the World Health Organization, 350 million people suffer from depression. Let's look at that number closely -- 350 million. That's a lot of people suffering, probably silently. 

I have personal experience with this. I had a depressive episode for almost a year while I was in college. Like most, I suffered silently. I didn't talk about it, I was embarrassed by it and it controlled every aspect of my life. I was staying in bed most of the day not even bothering to turn the lights on when dusk hit. It was very crippling and kept me from experiencing college the way I should and kept me from some pretty big opportunities that I now heavily regret. For the life of me, I just couldn't turn the lights on -- figuratively and literally. 

Could I have chosen to snap out of it? Could I have chosen to get up and just be part of the world? Perhaps. I can tell you this -- it's a lot easier said than done when you're in that deep. I wasn't suicidal, but I just didn't feel like being part of everyday life. I had zero motivation to get up. I remember my college roommate sitting outside of my door on multiple occasions frustrated in her own attempts to snap me out of it. It has to come from you. 

If you are reading this and are feeling the way I once felt, you are not alone. You are valuable and people want you around. Don't forget that.

The first step to being better is: asking for help. Most people feel that asking for help makes you weak or they are embarrassed. Quite the contrary -- it makes you STRONG. It makes you strong to recognize that you need help fighting the fight. It makes you strong to ask for tools that maybe you don't have at the moment to pull yourself out of the hole. It makes you strong to want better for yourself. 

Depression is such a vicious cycle. You become depressed so you create an environment that caters to that. Your new adapted environment then causes you to feel even lower and so on.

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I interviewed Marina Josiff, MSW (Master in Social Work) about depression and ways to help cope/ways to help someone cope. Ms. Josiff was a Therapist working with those who suffered from chronic mental health issues and currently works for the County of Los Angeles specializing in Child Welfare.

• How would you define depression? Depression, for one, is a mental condition (resulting from a chemical imbalance) that affects your daily life. Sometimes depression is caused from the feeling of guilt, experiencing trauma and/or not addressing unresolved trauma. A lot of people know depression to be a feeling of being really sad or emotional.

• Is depression curable? It is definitely curable by either medication, if it's to that degree. But it can also be cured by having therapy sessions to work out what is making you feel down in the first place. Depending on the severity, it may take some longer to get over depression than others. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) will explain the different diagnoses of depression, the symptoms and duration of the disease.

• What age group do you see the heaviest episodes of depression and what triggers it? From personal and professional experience, the heaviest episodes happen in between the ages of 18 and 25. I think it's primarily shown in these age groups because you have dealt with trauma as a child and you do not know how to clarify what you have been through. Also, that age group is very impressionable due to not having the tools or resources to talk about their feelings. Our society today is focused primarily on dealing with it on your own and that just deepens the symptoms. It could also be due to your culture. A lot of cultures are not known to go outside of the family to air dirty laundry; therefore, you end up with a build up of things to work through that never get the attention it needs. Another group to show evidence of depression can be 40s to 50s due to divorce, loss of work, problems with your children, etc. Some adults never learned to be expressive as a child or teen, so that carries into their adult life.

• What other conditions can or often result from depression? Most people don't realize that substance abuse (alcohol and/or drugs) is associated with depression. Some people cope with their depression by using substances to numb the pain. Those that do tend to show heightened symptoms because of it. For example, if you have a friend that is going through something and typically wants to smoke or drink when they are going through their struggle, I would make note of that. Talk to them about it and get to the bottom of it before it gets worse.

• Do you think you need medication to get over depression? It depends. If your symptoms are getting worse and your feeling of hopelessness isn't going away, then I believe medication would be a good route. However, there have been many cases that have proved therapy to be a really good way to cure depression. I am going to share something with you. When I was diagnosed with depression, I declined medication because I didn't think it was "that bad." So instead, I chose to see a therapist once a week and I wrote down everything that was causing myself to be depressed. I then broke it down and figured out ways to eliminate each problem step by step. I also created a strong support circle that made sure I did not isolate myself and checked up on me daily. It was important for me to have support around me that actively listened to me and gave genuine feedback and were also positive within themselves. I had to dig deep into what my underlying issues were and I brought that up in my therapy sessions. I had no choice but to be open and honest about what was going on in order to get better.

• Who are the best people to reach out to when you or someone you know is depressed? A professional -- some type of therapist, a life coach, counselor. But for those who are not into therapy and talking to a stranger about your problems, I would recommend talking to someone who has been through it and has successfully pulled themselves out of it. You cannot surround yourself with toxic people because it will feed into your depression. Misery loves company. Other than people, other ways to recover is to work out, eating healthier and doing things that make yourself happy. The first step, to me, when dealing with depression is really coming to terms with what it is that is causing you these feelings so you can truly work past them in a way that won't have them come up again. If they do, you will know how to tackle them before it gets to another episode.

• What do I do if someone I know has suicidal ideation? In that very moment when someone is giving off the impression that they are suicidal, you want to ask them why they are feeling the way they are feeling. Then you want to use summarizing and reflecting statements so they know you are listening and acknowledging what they are saying. You should ask them if they have a plan (of suicide) or how many times they have attempted suicide. You want to reassure them that everything is going to be okay, they are loved and worthy. There is also a National Suicide Prevention Hotline that you can call or that they can call for support. It is open 24 hours a day. The number is: (800) 273-8255. Even if you feel like their situation isn't something to be upset about, their reality is real and you never want to downplay the way they are feeling in that moment. If you feel like you are unable to handle the situation, there is a professional team that you can call: Psychiatric Emergency Team (PET), that will come out and assess the situation for you. Their number is: (800) 854-7771.

How do I know if one of my family members or friends are depressed? 

• hopelessness

• feeling down

• moving slow

• isolation

• saying things like, "I'm better off dead" or "I don't want to be here"

• anger

• easily agitated or triggered

• extremely emotional

• lack of sleep and/or appetite

• over sleeping and/or over eating

• lack of interest

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I know this was heavy and wasn't as exciting as shopping and what to wear to Stage Coach, but it was necessary. It's time we get more comfortable with the uncomfortable. It's time we, as a society, get healthier and learn to love ourselves because it isn't always a given -- it's a skill. I hope today, and everyday, you are choosing happy.

I'm Just Pretty

"You're pretty for a black girl," is NOT a compliment!

Last night a guy I do not know asked me my ethnicity. I told him I am Palestinian and Black. He followed up with, "you're pretty for a black girl." 

As a little girl, I considered myself pretty, maybe even gorgeous. I went to an elementary school that was diverse in color, language and culture. I blended in with all of the other beautiful mixes of colors. It wasn't until I moved in junior high school that I started to question if I was ever really pretty at all or if I was just part of the only thing I knew. I spent my most impressionable years in a predominately white community. My best friends, and the other groups of girls I desired so badly to be part of, were tall, slender babes with clear blue eyes and flowing blonde hair. I became a generally accepted kind of pretty. Adults saw my thick, kinky hair and freckles as additions to my cuteness and my peers were genuinely curious about my hair. I got asked to "touch my hair" a lot as if I was a featured piece in a museum. I never knew if I should take that as a compliment or be bothered that I was made out to be a show piece. I wasn't ugly, so I guess it was okay - that's what I told myself. 

It wasn't until I got into eighth grade that I realized I wasn't pretty, but rather pretty with a caveat. The boys I wanted attention from only wanted the girls I ran in close circles with. They didn't want kinky hair, french braids or buns because I didn't know what else to do with my hair that I didn't know how to manage. I developed a complex I can only hope my (future) daughter never experiences. I didn't know who I was, who I should have been or who others wanted me to be. I felt short of mediocre in the outside world and a prized possession when I got home with my (Arab) family that always made me feel beautiful - but they are my family, that's their job right?

I did whatever I could to feel pretty - the kind of pretty I now believed to be genuine. I took hot tools to my luscious kinks, relaxed my hair to be as shiny and silky as ethnically possible. I was introduced to weaves and was so excited about being able to cover up my hair. I added ounces of silky hair that I would deny wasn't mine. (I still wear extensions and weaves, but for healthy reasons rather than to hide who I am and am not afraid to tell people.) I was determined to be "one of them." I tried to be white - only further confusing my sense of self as you can imagine. Transitioning into high school I decided to surround myself with more black people, people more like me, so I thought. Turns out, we weren't as alike as I had imagined. I became "too white" for the black crowd and "too black" for the white crowd. I spoke too white and was too "swaggy" all at the same time. (Even with relatives on my black side I was told to "not come around here talking like that," which resulted in them thinking I put myself on some higher level than them. In reality, I tried so hard to fit in with even my own family and never really felt accepted for my unique mix.) With my black friends I still "didn't understand the struggle and wasn't the same," and with my white friends I was the token cool black friend. I didn't realize someone's color or background made them cool. I guess they told me. 

Now that I am an adult and have learned to genuinely love and flaunt my Black and Palestinian assets, I find that everyone around me are spending countless hours in the sun and getting lip injections to try to look like me. Ain't that a blip? The crimping iron became the white girl's best friend and freckles were being drawn on with makeup. 

So, when someone tells me I am "pretty for a black girl," my inner little girl wants to curl up and cry. At the very basic level of the sentence, you do think I am pretty, exotic, ethnically ambiguous (that one is my favorite) because all of my beautiful differences make me pretty. Just pretty. 

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A Matter of Time

Timing is everything.

I know, I know -- everyone says that. And I know, I know -- it's hard to accept. It's hard to let go of wanting to control everything in your life.

If you want to make God (The Universe or whichever higher power you believe in) laugh, tell him your plans.

This past year, through my blog, my work, my personal life not seen on social media, I've learned to just be patient. I've learned to let life happen because if you just keep plugging away and moving towards your greatness, whatever life offers you will be exactly what was meant for you. 

If my life went by "my plan," my blog would have successfully launched last year, I'd be living in my dream home by now, I'd probably be married and have a cute lap dog I don't really have time for. Although I am launching my blog this year, am still living at home and am not married, I am so grateful for everything I have learned in this past year. I've never energetically felt a shift in my life so strong as I did in the transition from 2017 to 2018. I have completely surrendered to God & The Universe. Ironically, now I look forward to the moments that will stretch me and force me to grow because I have always received such amazing outcomes from them. 

This is my beginning - I have officially (re)launched! I am so excited to share my new sense of self with you all because well, it's time! I felt it was only appropriate to launch this newly remodeled Blazers & Bralettes with this beautiful piece from Jord Watches so you can also enjoy your time. xx

I have partnered up with Jord Watches to give one of my special followers a watch of their very own! *hand clap* I am always looking for unique accessories - who doesn't want to stand out? I'm obsessed! 

click to enter giveaway

All photos are taken by Nicole Balsamo.